Little outside room

I feel crazy I feel like I'm picking up
with the winds the storm I was promised
every year at this time.

I feel out of control but it was just the
last drag that pumped my heart up
just the last toxic inhale that
got me riled.

It's the wet and the cold.

The skies swell up and all fire of soul
is stung out and needful
stringing out and needing.

I keep myself under watch
I keep myself watching the lights
hovering close to the ones
that shine brightest to me

In my little outside room
I breath in with rolled up habit

The waves that go up and down

I move with the world.

No common cry can put you back in with the common people
as we are creaturely to others.

To be changed by a strangers look.

I have seen out. I have SEEN OUT.
But old and dusty clouds did linger.

I have shut my eyes and have seen a place
radiating, blessedly wicked.
Blissful and gaudy
sentientual
and under no influence of calamity
except for the calamity of beauty.

I repulse.

I gravely shut my eyes
and restore the same place
only patient.

I recline.

Restfully sifting through the origins
of thought.

Seedlings of thought that grow in the mind
subtle or as thickening as desire.

Desire as religion to the saints,
and cleanliness the reality of the ground.

Seedlings; profound. Seedlings estranged in song.

they;
Still crunching at my crown
Still heavy at my soul.

A crunch like your lovers dead weight on top of you.

An ancient instinct post-instinctual delightenment.

the language of a displaced colony
with an infantry waiting at the coastline
and everyone howling out.

No common cry can put you back in with the common people.

(July 2011)

These are the things the day brings on

HAVE IT OPEN. THE NEWS. THE LIGHT.
THE MEAT INSIDE MY SKULL.
I AM THE BACKWARD SKY. MY EYES ARE
MOUNTAINS THAT RIVERS MAY FLOW FROM.

Everyone I've loved in every life. Our bodies change
but the space between us is kept. The world is nurturing
to whatever our souls ask it for. I want to play.
Must I be miserable first?

Hesitation is in a relaxing beat.

I do not want to go back to sleep.

But I do want the heat, I do.

I have that heavy feeling in my energy. I am literally
waiting to find out. This is a pattern though it has evolved
so much it's frightening to feel it again. I will not let it linger
passed digestion. I will communicate what I understand
because I've rested with it. I do not want to express
what I have not swam through. I let myself be
vulnerable. I'll let myself do it again.

There may be pain.

There may be joy.

These are the things the day brings anyway.

And I write this down to GET IT OUT OF MY PERSON.
I do not want loneliness in my muscle memory. I do not
want resentment or words I wish I would have said stuck

anywhere inside of me.